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The How to Be British Collection

The How to Be British Collection

Penned By Martyn Ford
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4.85
47,345 Global Ratings
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The How to Be British Collection

The How to Be British Collection

Penned By Martyn Ford
4.85 47,345 Ratings
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Editor's Note:
A perennially popular collection of colour cartoon illustrations, with accompanying texts, on the endearing oddities of our British life and character. Drawing on their many years' experience of teaching English as a Foreign Language the authors also offer the wider world a tongue-in-cheek guide on how to get around in English and at the same time make sense of our 'funny ways'. It's a gentle brand of satire, and although there's the occasional barbed arrow for bland food, fashion disasters or dubious standards of hygiene, the tone of The "How To Be British Collection" is more nostalgic than scornful, and the pet-loving, royal-watching, tea drinking characters that populate its pages are viewed with wry affection. Cartoons like "How to be Polite" and "How to Complain" have been reproduced in publications all over the world, perhaps because they put a finger on that peculiar tentativeness that foreigners find so puzzling (and so funny) about us. In order to be British, or at any rate to pass unnoticed in British society, the visitor must learn not to 'make a fuss'. A fuss is something that the true Brit cannot stand. It is nearly as bad as a 'scene', and in the same category as 'drawing attention to yourself'. In the first frame of How To Be Polite, a man -- presumably an uninitiated foreign visitor -- has fallen into a river. He's clearly in trouble and is shouting HELP! -- at the top of his voice, judging by the speech bubble. An English gentleman is walking his dog along the river bank. There's a lifebelt prominently displayed beside them, but the gent and his dog are walking away from the emergency with disapproving expressions. In the next frame, the man in the river has changed his strategy and is calling out: "Excuse me, Sir. I'm terribly sorry to bother you, but I wonder if you would mind helping me a moment, as long as it's no trouble, of course...". And this time, naturally, the English gent is rushing to his aid, throwing the lifebelt into the water. Even the dog is smiling. Much of the material in The "How to be British Collection" is about how cultural differences can prove a minefield for the unwary. To that extent its appeal - in an age where so many of us travel and even set up home overseas - is universal. Every visitor to Britain comes knowing that our favourite conversational gambit is the weather. But how many can successfully do it at 1) Elementary 2) Intermediate and 3) Advanced levels? The book's enduring popularity comes from the recognition factor -- how exposed we can be once we stray away from the comfort zone of our own native language. A hapless visitor, phrase book in hand, stops to ask an old lady in the street for directions. He looks pleased with himself for phrasing the question so nicely, but then is utterly at a loss to understand her long, rambling, minutely detailed reply. We've all been there. To help the poor innocent abroad around these cultural and linguistic booby-traps, the book includes on most pages collectible Expressions to learn and (of course) Expressions to avoid. Thus, under the entry for Real English, which negotiates the difficult area of colloquial speech including "idioms, slang and even the occasional taboo word, as used by flesh and blood native speakers" we find -- Expressions to learn:"'E nicked it off of a lorry and now the coppers 'ave done 'im for it." Expressions to avoid: "That's not correct English, Mrs. Jones -- it says so here in my grammar book".

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Length 64 Pages
Language Eng
Imprint Lee Gone Publications
Released April 22, 2003
Identifier (ISBN) 2232889
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Martyn Ford
The Mind Behind the Work
Martyn Ford

Martyn Ford writes contemporary fiction and has always been fascinated by character-driven stories. They hold a degree in English Literature and previously worked as an editor before transitioning to writing their own books. Martyn Ford lives with their spouse and a very vocal rescue cat.

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Ryan Roberts
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"Masterpiece from start to finish. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. A true literary gem."
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"A profoundly satisfying read. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. I am now a lifelong fan of this author."
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"Such a rich narrative. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. I am now a lifelong fan of this author."
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"I was completely blown away. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. Worth every moment spent reading."
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Linda Walker September 15, 2024
"Such a rich narrative. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece."
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"Absolutely brilliant. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. A true literary gem."
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"Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. Worth every moment spent reading."
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"A highly sophisticated read. Beautiful writing, though I craved slightly more depth in the lore. Still, undeniably engaging. A very distinguished novel."
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"Excellent, though slightly flawed. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. I would highly recommend this to discerning readers."
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"A profoundly satisfying read. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. I am now a lifelong fan of this author."
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"I was completely blown away. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. I am now a lifelong fan of this author."
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"Such a rich narrative. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. An effortless 5 stars."
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"Exceeded all my expectations. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. An effortless 5 stars."
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"Masterpiece from start to finish. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. I am now a lifelong fan of this author."
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"Took a moment to build, but the payoff was spectacular. The protagonist was compelling, though some subplots felt slightly overshadowed. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend."
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"Excellent, though slightly flawed. Beautiful writing, though I craved slightly more depth in the lore. Still, undeniably engaging. Quite impressive overall."
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"Masterpiece from start to finish. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre."
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"Masterpiece from start to finish. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. I am now a lifelong fan of this author."
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"Excellent, though slightly flawed. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend."
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"I thoroughly enjoyed the elegance of it. Beautiful writing, though I craved slightly more depth in the lore. Still, undeniably engaging. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend."
William Miller
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"I was completely blown away. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. An effortless 5 stars."
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"Masterpiece from start to finish. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. A true literary gem."
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Mark Robinson October 26, 2024
"I thoroughly enjoyed the elegance of it. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. A solid 4 stars from me."
Ashley Williams
Ashley Williams July 03, 2025
"I thoroughly enjoyed the elegance of it. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. Quite impressive overall."
Mark Collins
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"Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre."
Anthony Green
Anthony Green May 17, 2025
"Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. A true literary gem."
Nicholas Cruz
Nicholas Cruz June 09, 2024
"Masterpiece from start to finish. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre."
Brian Flores
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"Exceeded all my expectations. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre."
Dorothy  Davis
Dorothy Davis April 21, 2025
"Excellent, though slightly flawed. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. Quite impressive overall."
Christopher Green
Christopher Green October 03, 2024
"Such a rich narrative. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. Worth every moment spent reading."
George Cruz
George Cruz February 08, 2024
"Took a moment to build, but the payoff was spectacular. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend."
Michael Nelson
Michael Nelson September 28, 2024
"Such a rich narrative. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. An effortless 5 stars."
John Gonzalez
John Gonzalez March 09, 2025
"Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. Worth every moment spent reading."
Cynthia Taylor
Cynthia Taylor June 19, 2024
"Absolutely brilliant. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre."
Laura Turner
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"I thoroughly enjoyed the elegance of it. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. A solid 4 stars from me."
Stephanie Mitchell
Stephanie Mitchell February 04, 2024
"Excellent, though slightly flawed. The protagonist was compelling, though some subplots felt slightly overshadowed. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend."
Patricia Green
Patricia Green November 04, 2025
"A highly sophisticated read. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. Quite impressive overall."
Carol Campbell
Carol Campbell December 17, 2024
"I was completely blown away. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre."
Steven Taylor
Steven Taylor January 05, 2024
"Masterpiece from start to finish. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. I am now a lifelong fan of this author."
Deborah Brown
Deborah Brown May 14, 2025
"A very strong entry. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. Quite impressive overall."
Deborah Lee
Deborah Lee August 27, 2024
"I find myself somewhat conflicted. It verged on repetitive in the second act. A more concise edit would have served it well. A fair 3 stars."
Betty Rivera
Betty Rivera March 24, 2024
"I thoroughly enjoyed the elegance of it. The protagonist was compelling, though some subplots felt slightly overshadowed. A solid 4 stars from me."
John Collins
John Collins July 23, 2024
"I was completely blown away. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. Worth every moment spent reading."
Mary Walker
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"I find myself somewhat conflicted. The tempo was somewhat languid, and I found my mind wandering. Not poor, simply average. Unlikely to reread, but a reasonable expenditure of time."
Dorothy Martinez
Dorothy Martinez February 12, 2024
"Exceeded all my expectations. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre."
Sandra  Parker
Sandra Parker February 27, 2025
"I was completely blown away. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. Worth every moment spent reading."
Sandra Gomez
Sandra Gomez August 11, 2024
"Absolutely brilliant. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. An effortless 5 stars."
Elizabeth Sanchez
Elizabeth Sanchez November 05, 2024
"Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. I am now a lifelong fan of this author."
Sandra Reyes
Sandra Reyes November 05, 2024
"Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. Worth every moment spent reading."
Donald Hill
Donald Hill November 18, 2025
"Absolutely brilliant. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. I am now a lifelong fan of this author."
Brian Wright
Brian Wright September 14, 2025
"Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. A true literary gem."
Charles Rivera
Charles Rivera March 28, 2025
"I was completely blown away. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. Worth every moment spent reading."
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